Wednesday, 16 September 2009

End of an era...start of a life

Well, Friday is the day I have been waiting for for most of my adult life, maybe even longer than that. I am going into hospital in Middlesbrough to have a total hip replacement operation.

I am both very excited and starting to get somewhat nervous. I am nervous because of the operation, naturally. I will probably be having the procedure performed under epidural and sedation rather than the full general anasthetic. I know that this is safer and is better for recovery, but I am worried about being too awake during the op. I really don't fancy hearing and seeing what is going on.

I am excited because this marks something of a watershed in my life. It is a definite punctuation mark: a threshold between the old life of pain and poor mobility and a new life of possibilities and potential. I can put a lot of the shit that has happened to me well and firmly into the past. I will no longer have the excuses that I have used for not being able to lose weight...and I don't want them, to be honest. Yeah, I've had some crappy luck with the illnesses I've endured, all starting with the Perthes disease that struck over 30 years ago, but I could have probably handled it better, if I'm honest.

For far too long I have let my health problems define me and hold me back. I have felt sorry for myself and have let the gloomy, grey clouds of depression shadow my life. If everything works as I hope it will with this op, I will have been given a second chance at life. Not many people get this kind of chance, and for that I should be grateful. For that reason I should take the chance with both hands and make amends for the failures and excuses of the last 20 years. I owe it to myself and especially to my family.

I fully intend to become fitter and healthier than I've ever been by taking up $cycling seriously. This will help me mentally as well, and in tandem I intend to focus on my professional future, decide what I want to do, where I want to go and not allow myself to be deviated.

If this sounds corny, then corn me up. It's for me as much as anything. It's a cathartic pep talk I am using to convince myself that this is going to end up transforming my life. Positive thinking. Positive vibes.

I'll see you on the other side.

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